Before working with Rugare, I was anxious, uncomfortable about people seeing me and not being good enough. I was afraid of everything, everyone, and every possibility. I lived in survival mode and didn’t know I was playing the victim, blaming my dad for my burnout and depression. I could not celebrate my life in any way.
I was confused about my identity as I was basing it on cultural expectations I’d taken on, such as believing I need to be the ‘good daughter’. I worried about what other people thought before checking in with myself. It would take me a long time to make a decision.
I was very overweight and suffered with chronic back pain. There was so much I couldn’t do. It was a way for me not to be seen and hide. I was delusional about my health as I had so much fear around it so avoided it altogether. I only attempted to deal with my health if it looked good to others.
Although making decisions was always very hard for me, deciding to be coached by Rugare felt right straight away. Even sharing my experiences here for this case study was a no-brainer. Why wouldn’t I, for the man who changed my life?
One of my favourite coaching tools that helps clear my mind when I’m overanalysing something is Facts versus Stories. I absolutely loved learning this as my tendency is to keep adding to a story I’ve made up about a situation and I start spiralling. This tool helps me break the cycle by asking myself what are the actual facts in any given situation, giving me freedom in the moment. It helped me when making the decision to get weight loss surgery. Rather than listening to spiralling down stories I was making up, such as what if I don’t heal, and what if I don’t lose weight, I was able to focus on getting the facts from the experts and use them to make my decision.
Rugare helped me learn so much about myself, including core beliefs that limit joy and possibility if left unchecked. I discovered my values and how to use them to bring alignment and make decisions easily.
I used my values as an anchor when selecting my next job. I secured a role I love because it gives me freedom, creativity and self-expression. I was able to easily decide to get weight-loss surgery and I’ve already lost 30kg. My back pain has completely gone, I train regularly and I feel more energetic than I’ve ever felt before.
I discovered how to be fully responsible for myself and how I feel, rather than blaming my dad for my experience. Now I understand that while my dad’s actions may impact how I feel, they no longer reflect what I do or how I live my life.
I am now free to celebrate my life, my achievements and really feel the impact of these wins. I realise now my life is mine and I get to choose everything I want. I have infinite possibilities ahead of me. I can step out of my comfort zone whenever I want. I can build new habits to build more confidence. I really am free.